This week, on Real Housewives of Potomac…
BBG takes Karen out to dinner, so I’m assuming Bravo is paying. They’re having lobster and sea bass, so now I KNOW Bravo is paying. Karen says that in addition to working on her fragrance line, she is working on her Alzheimers charity, O’Huger. This woman has more fake businesses than a drug runner. Karen starts crying about her mom’s Alzheimers and BBG, being the supportive husband he is, says “you don’t have to talk about it” and digs into his free dinner. It’s probably the first full meal he’s had in weeks.
Gizelle and Ashley are shopping for a gift for Robyn for her event. Ashley tells Gizelle about Monique asking about her going to her event, and Gizelle twists it around to suggest that Monique is trying to convince people not to go to Robyn’s event.
Now we’re at Monique’s house. I hate these scenes. They’re always just a clusterfuck of people in the kitchen with screaming kids climbing all over the counters and Monique bitching. Kyndall, SHERMAN’S EX WIFE, shows up. So maybe it will get more interesting. They go for a walk and talk about her divorce from Sherman.
We cut back to Ashley and Gizelle at the jewelry store and Gizelle talks about the demise of her relationship with Sherman. Ashley doesn’t tell her what Monique said at the bowling alley about the hooker blowjob at the park.
Back to Kyndall and Monique. APPARENTLY, Gizelle and Kyndall were friends before Gizelle started dating Sherman. TROUBLE IS A BREWIN’.
We are now at Monique’s Human Growth Foundation event and her dress is much prettier than the one she tried on at Cache. Charrisse finds the camera and comes up to Monique and her friend.
Now we’re at Robyn’s She is Empowered event and I’m still not totally clear about what this thing even is. Robyn doesn’t really clear it up for me with her comment of, “Women are so important to me, and I feel like we can do some really good things.” This is just some vague, girl-power dinner put on by someone who regularly creates drama among her group of female friends, so I get why no one wants to go. Candiace and Ashley show up. Candiace says she chose Robyn’s event because her and Monique are already friends and she wants to have a better relationship with Robyn.
We go back to Monique’s event, and she says Kyndall is coming. Charrisse gets her panties in a twist because Monique keeps stealing her friends. Kyndall and Charrise have been friends for 18 years, apparently. I don’t know when Charrisse will understand that: a) Monique has all but admitted she’s the ultimate social climber and b) Charrisse is no longer an official housewife on this show and she needs to stay in her lane and be in one scene every five episodes. You’re on “friend of” salary now, Tha-Tha, not “Housewife.” Karen invites Kyndall to her O’Bullshit charity event, and they all freak out because Gizelle will be there, too.
Robyn makes her speech about empowering women and how she wants to help them become entrepreneurs. She flips one house and all of a sudden she thinks she’s Christina El Moussa.
THEN THE BEST THING HAPPENS AT MONIQUE’S EVENT. Karen tells Kyndall she doesn’t have to write a check for her O’Bullshit charity event, and Monique whispers to Charrisse that Karen made all of the other women make their checks out to KAREN’S PERSONAL COMPANY, ICON ENTERPRISES. NOT THE CHARITY. I would like to go on record saying I called this as a fake charity before this scene ever took place. Looks like someone is setting up their own Human Fund. Monique reminds us that Icon Enterprises is Karen’s wig company and says that the next time she sees her, her wig better be “extra fly, and better not shift” which is all I’ve been asking for since day one. When Monique calls out Karen for having them make their checks out to her personal company and not the charity, Karen tells her she’s a heifer. The Hugers have clearly learned nothing from the Giudice family when it comes to tax fraud and it looks like they’re hoping to add money laundering and fraud to their list. If only they were up for deportation, too. Sigh.
Karen tells Monique it’s none of her business who the checks are made out to, but I’m pretty sure it is if Monique is the one writing the check. Believe it or not, when I write checks, I care about where the money is going. But maybe Karen can circumvent that by throwing in some forgery just to put the icing on this big ass fraudulent cake.
Robyn and her “real estate mentor” break and enter into a dilapidated home for her to flip. She thinks she can gut and renovate the place for $50,000. Good luck with that.
Candiace and Chris go check out a wedding venue. She has 405 guests, wants to add more, wants an oversized dance floor, a candy bar, a dessert bar, the entire ceiling covered with flowers, a chandelier installed, different chairs, and god knows what else. Chris breaks down the budget and why what she wants is not going to fucking happen, so she says he’s jaded. For once, I’m agreeing with Chris: Candiace is a moron.
Chris and Monique go for a manicure and pedicure and I don’t want to watch this shit. There should be an up-charge for having to give a man a pedicure. Monique “I’m not an alcoholic” Samuels then pulls a bottle of Caymus out of her purse.
Ashley and Michael go out to dinner. Ashley wants to have the baby conversation again, and Michael does not. She tells him he needs to be honest because he always changes what he says about having kids. Now he blames it on her mother again, saying Ashley’s mom was a bad mother, so she needs to prove that she won’t be the same. LOW BLOW, YOU AUSSIE ASS WIPE. I think it’s pretty clear that this guy is old and doesn’t want any children and also possibly hates Ashley.
Gizelle and Robyn are at dinner coming up with a game plan on how to handle Karen at her O’Bullshit event for not going to Robyn’s event, and for inviting Kyndall.
Everyone is starting to arrive at O’Bullshit and Charrisse finds the camera again with her hired male escort.
Gizelle and Robyn are on their way to O’Bullshit wearing jeans, not giving a fuck. They both agree that they’d prefer to write a check to the Alzheimers Association rather than to Karen’s company both for the tax write off and so they know the money isn’t going to Karen’s ass injections.
Everyone agrees it is shady that Karen invited Kyndall to her event when she’s the one who said she didn’t want any drama. Gizelle arrives, and we end on a “to be continued…”