Still looking for the man/woman of your dreams?
Tired of trolling online, checking out dating websites? You might not be doing anything wrong, so says dating expert Kim Norris Samuels of Marina Del Rey, CA.
The author of such books as “Hurricanes, Paradise and Fairytales,” Samuels is a comedienne and entrepreneur who has a profound way of taking her real-life dating experiences and turning them into comical advice for the everyday person.
No stranger to the world of dating, years of being sought after for her do’s and don’ts eventually led to her next accomplishment and most recent book “He’s Just Not: Dating Deal Breakers.” With her keen radar and detective mindset, Samuels says she is able to pinpoint questionable actions, statements and behaviors, and she’ll keep you laughing in the process. And while most of us know dating can be a nightmare in general for almost everyone from 25 to 65, most singles are still putting themselves out there.
The Younger Set
For those under 30, Samuels says Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, Match.com and Coffee Meets Bagel are the usual ways to find a date.
“Coffee Meets Bagel is gaining in popularity because when it matches you, it shows friends you have in common so you know that it is a real person! Most [people] are on two or more sites at the same time. Plenty Of Fish – not much anymore,” she says.
If you don’t want to do the dating website scene or find yourself at a local bar, Samuels says the next best thing is to get out there and be seen.
“If you’re not going on dating sites you have to get out there and do things! You might even try community service or visiting a friend’s job for some good prospects. Clubs? NO, activities held during the day. Church? Maybe, or mixers they hold there,” she says. “Meetup and Eventful lists have many varied and interesting groups too, not necessarily ‘activities,’ ” she says.
So what are men in their 20s-30s looking for in a woman?
“Men: 20s – are looking for sex, absolutely! The 30s want companionship, someone to hang out with on Friday or Saturday nights so they’re not lonely. They don’t contact you during the week but on Thursday they try to secure a person for the weekend! Someone more than a one-night stand,” she notes.
Of course, women are a bit different in their searches.
Samuels says: “Women OF ALL ages are looking for a man that is loyal (not a player), honest and says what he means and means what he says.”
Who Is Samuels?
Samuels is an African-American with an American Indian and European heritage. She grew up in Queens, NY, lived in the Caribbean for 10 years and California for 17 years.
But what makes Samuels an expert and why listen to what she has to say?
“I’ve been dating since I was in my 20s, 40s, and 50s, and for the last 17 years straight,” she continues. “I talk to women of all ages about their experiences and have given advice to many others such as friends, family and others who have come to me for my expertise.
“Many times after receiving my advice, these people have ended up in successful relationships … I am not a matchmaker [but] I think my tips have some merit. Perhaps that we can all do the same thing, if we can just figure out what we do and do not want!”
But if you thought the dating scene was any different in California than anyplace else, you’d be dead-on.
“Yes, in that the state is sooo big! First, you have to find out how far the person is because you don’t want to spend an hour in the car to meet someone,” she says. “The culture is different with so many ‘wanna be’ or actual actors and/or showbiz people – people are always ‘on.’ Each ‘town’ has its own style, from Venice beach to Beverly Hills.”
As for her own dating experience, Samuels says: “In my 40s, I was dating men my own age, for the most part. In my 50s, I have been dating much younger men. This comes about in part because of the men just wanting a female companion as opposed to a wife and kids. They seek us out for that reason and they tend to be more fun.”
One of her favorite dating stories goes like this:
“I met a guy at a Starbucks that claimed to be wealthy and semi-retired. When I met him I could tell his picture was old – 50 pounds old! We sat down to chat and he NEVER offered to buy me a beverage! We talked for about 20 minutes and he was really getting on my nerves. He kept harping on something I had told him earlier and I finally asked him what his problem was, ugh. We walked together to the parking garage where he paid for his parking ($3) and not mine! Needless to say I never talked to him again…”
And while her date clearly made a mistake in her eyes, all of us at some point make one or two.
For instance, today, Samuels says men text too much instead of calling. Women spend too much time reading too far into what it means when a man doesn’t call. “Also, trying to make something work that you know won’t!”
As for the future of dating for those who are single regardless of their age Samuels says “The players change but the game remains the same!”
“One of the main issues with Cyber dating is making sure the person is who they say they are… this is where changes need to be made,” she says. “No matter what age you are there will come a time when you have to look into dating. Figure out what you are NOT looking for first and what you are looking for second!”
See more from Samuels and check out her book at singlenotdead.com